I still find it difficult to believe what has happened to my body. What will people say? Oh God, how will this change my life? Will it alter my destiny? Will it affect all my plans to get to the peak of my career? How will others see me? Will they reject me? Will they condemn me? I couldn’t even bring myself to tell anyone, not even Karen my sister. Why did you allow this to happen to me, Lord? Why me? Why not someone else? What did I do to deserve this kind of sentence on my life?
Oh Edward, my love, how can I tell you I am no longer fit to be your wife and be the mother of your children? How can I break the news to you that our plans to be together in matrimony will no longer see the light of day?
I couldn’t stop asking the questions. I could tell no one
that life has strucked me bad. Why did God allow it happen now, at the peak of
my youth, when life is just about smiling on me? Oh, why not when I am stricken
with age, after I must have spent the best of my years with Edward and brought
forth offsprings of mine? Life has cheated me, stolen from me, robbed me off
precious things.
Will I have the courage to move on in spite of this? Will the bounce be in my steps again? Will I be beautiful again? Will I receive the second admiring glance again? Will my skin still radiate and glow with youthfulness? Hmnn, such vanities of life. But being suddenly withdrawn is heartbreaking.
The worst part of it all is losing my Ed. How can I bear being torn away from him? I will not expect him to be tied to me even for love in the circumstances. I could feel the excruciating pain in my heart as I imagine him being with another. My heart is torn apart as I imagine another woman loving him and carrying his babies. Uncontrollable rivers of tears flowed without restraint. In a snap, all I hoped to be, planned to do has been ruthlessly snatched from me and there seemed to be nothing I can do about it.
Who do I hold responsible? Is it the hospital, the doctor? God? The devil? My parents? Probably if I had been taken to a different hospital, this accident might have been averted. Or, was I the guilty one? Maybe if I have paid more attention to my diet, I would not have had appendicitis in the first place and there would have been no need to visit the hospital.
Or maybe it is my destiny. Probably I had been chosen from the beginning of the world to go through this. But to what end? For what purpose? Why will the Lord choose me to suffer such an unfortunate experience? What testimony do you want out of this oh Lord? Have I not served you to the best of my ability? Why would you require this of me?
If you wanted me as the sacrificial lamb, why did you allow me taste the pleasures of life only to withdraw it from me so soon? I will joyfully trade places with a village peasant girl in exchange for my life, for my health and vitality. He who controls all things, the sovereign God had decided and l am helpless against his judgment.
Perhaps he will show mercy and reverse this curse on me.
Maybe the story of my life will also end well and all will be restored back to
me like the story of Uncle Job. I will
wait in anticipation for my change to come, for everything to be restored back
to me. The end of Uncle Job’s life was better than the beginning. Maybe, just
maybe, it will be the same for me.
No comments:
Post a Comment